15 Ways to Develop and Strengthen Your Bond With Your Unborn Baby
For some pregnant women, a profound bond is formed immediately upon discovering they are pregnant. For others, it may not feel quite “real” until they see their baby on an ultrasound or a growing belly begins to develop. Another group of women may not ever feel a super close relationship with the unborn child they are carrying.
Whichever camp you find yourself in, you are normal and you are going to be an incredible mother. Research shows the importance of early mother-baby bonding on a child’s long-term mental health and ability to overcome difficulties in life, however, there is little discussion about a direct link between a mom’s or baby’s health and their prenatal relationship. The level of bonding with a baby during pregnancy is influenced by a mother-to-be’s personality, circumstances, and personal, social, and medical histories. One camp is not superior to another, and there should be no shame in where you find yourself today.
But some women wonder how they can feel a greater sense of connection with the person they have been growing and caring for for months. They hope to embrace this special time and prepare for their new life by dreaming of what can and might be. Or some would like to more deeply share the pregnancy experience with their partner to start the family-bonding process pre-delivery.
15 Ways to Develop and Strengthen Your Bond With Your Unborn Baby
Make a playlist with songs that express your feelings for Baby. Play it when you are driving, doing housework, or nesting. Sing along so Baby can hear your (beautiful) voice. (For a peek into my life, my playlist consisted of A Thousand Years by Christina Perri, Everything I Do, I Do It For You by Bryan Adams, and The Time of My Life from Dirty Dancing, to name a few).
Date Baby. Did your parent ever “date” you as a child? Start the tradition with your little one even now. Take him or her out for a walk around town, a nice meal, and something fun. Talk (internally or out loud) about your favorite things, your hopes and dreams. Take a selfie together and record your day.
Intentionally include Baby in your day. Obviously, your baby is with you 24/7, but make a conscious effort to invite him or her into aspects of your day, such as watching the news or a show, stretching or exercising, doing chores, or eating meals. Imagine Baby there with you, you can even talk to him or her.
Keep a pregnancy journal. This Expecting Pregnancy Keepsake Journal is one of my favorite pregnancy gifts so far. It is a month-by-month prompted journal that gives Mom a chance to record as much detail about the pregnancy as she desires. I use it to keep track of physical changes, cravings, milestones, important dates, and little details I’d likely forget. I’ve used open pages to write my unborn daughter letters and share what was on my heart that month. It feels as if my heart is controlling my hand as I write; I look forward to it each month and can’t wait to give it to her someday.
Dream about Baby’s everything. Imagine your baby’s personality, facial features, stature, hand and foot size, future career, gifts and passions, first love, hobbies, even his or her own children. Explore every possibility for how Baby will look and behave, what Baby will like and pursue, who Baby will become. Part of the fun (and anxiety) of pregnancy is not knowing who our little one will be as a real human being… dream and imagine and ponder. Think it, speak it, write it, or even draw it if you’re artistically inclined (or not!).
Respond to kicks. Research shows that, in the second and third trimesters, Baby can interact with you from the womb. When Baby is being particularly active, stop to talk, read, or sing to him or her. Touch your belly and “play” as a way to interact even before birth.
Massage your belly. This interesting article discusses how a fetus will respond to a mother’s touch in utero, and how it is not the same response to anyone else. They found that babies were most likely to reach out and touch the wall of the uterus when their mother caressed her bump.
Study your baby. Does your baby get active after you drink caffeine or eat something sugary? Does she kick more after you’ve exercised or been active? Which area of your belly do you feel him most? Does she respond to singing? Reading? Touch? Every child is unique, and that’s no different for your unborn little one. You’re Mom, so you know your baby best. That doesn’t start after birth, it starts well before!
Read to Baby. You don’t need to start reading all of the children’s books already (because let’s face it, you’ll probably read them hundreds of times over the course of the next several years). Read Baby whatever you’re interested in (read her this article!). The act of including Baby into your day — as well as reading aloud — will help him or her learn your voice.
Show Baby your favorite places. Whether it be on your babymoon or just on a drive around your town or state, bring Baby to some of your most beloved places: your grandma’s house, the lake house you spent summers at as a kid, your favorite bookstore, the place your husband proposed, etc. Imagine Baby there with you. Massage your belly and be Baby’s tour guide (don’t worry about weirding people out — you’re bonding!).
Feed Baby your favorite foods. Studies have found that, beginning in the second trimester, your baby can taste what you eat, and your food choices may influence Baby’s preferences later in life. So share your favorite foods with your little one. Go to restaurants, ice cream parlors, coffee shops, farmers markets. Eat where you have memories with your family or partner. Ask your mother or grandmother to make your favorite meal as a child growing up. Again, imagine your little one there with you.
Pray for Baby. If you’re the praying type, you know the power of prayer, especially praying over another person. Praying for your unborn baby is no different. Pray for a stronger bond now, a deep relationship as Baby grows, protection over the health of you both, the connection between Baby and Dad, for Baby’s growth and development and success in life… there are endless opportunities that all lead to deeper love and connection.
Create something for Baby. Whether you’re a skilled DIY-er or not, there ought to be something you can make for your baby (to display or not, that’s up to you). Make a piece of art for the nursery, a blanket or hat, or even a poem or song. Don’t be hard on yourself if it isn’t perfect — your little one certainly won’t care.
Write Baby a letter. This is one of my favorites (not surprisingly). I feel like a handwritten letter from Mom would be the most special gift ever. If you need a prompt, check this out.
Spend time in the nursery. I found this to be such a sacred place as I prepared to meet both of my babies. I sat in the rocking chair, reveled in the silence, looked at the beautiful items and decor and gifts… just fully immersed myself in Baby Land.
Is there anything you would add to the list? I’d love to hear what has helped you feel more connected to and bonded with your baby in those days, weeks, and months of waitin' and anticipatin'.
After the Pregnancy Comes the Birth
For many women, the anticipation of labor and birth can bring up feelings of doubt, fear, and anxiety. As an occupational therapist who specializes in pre and postnatal care (and a mother of two), I have an intimate understanding of the vast spectrum of emotions that women feel as labor and birth approaches. And unfortunately, Western culture does an extremely poor job and preparing women for birth -both physically and mentally.
Most women are left in the dark when it comes to their own body’s brilliance, their primal power, and their intuition’s genius.
In preparation for the birth of our second child, which was a planned home birth, I was intentional about preparing my mind in order to be focused, in touch with my intuition, steady, and sturdy. When working with expecting mamas, my core message will always be this: you can trust yourself to know what is best for you.
If you are interested in being intentional about preparing your mind, body, and spirit for labor and birth, check out Thirty Days of Preparing for Birth. The prompts will guide you toward replacing fear with anticipation, doubt with confidence, and anxiety with empowerment.
